No one gets married thinking it will end. We choose a partner, build routines, share a home, maybe raise children, and make plans for the future. Most of us were never really taught what a healthy relationship looks like, or what the legal consequences are when you move in with someone, buy a house together, or have kids.

Even when we have that knowledge, we usually hope for the best. We tell ourselves things will get better. Sometimes a separation is something you think about for a long time. Other times it comes after a serious argument or a violent incident and it feels very sudden.

Whatever your situation, taking a bit of time to prepare before you leave can make a hard process a little more manageable.

Thinking About Your First Steps

Leaving a spouse is not only an emotional decision. It is also a practical one. Before you go, it can help to think through what you will need in the next few weeks and months.

That might include:

Important personal items
Identification and financial documents
A safe place to stay
People you can call for support

Even small things can feel complicated once you are living apart, so a bit of planning at the beginning can reduce stress later.

Taking Care Of Your Belongings

If you are planning to leave, try to take the belongings that matter most to you. If something is sentimental or cannot be replaced, pack it before you go.

Once spouses are living separately, emotions are high. It is very common for one person to say an item was left at the home, and the other to say it is not there. It turns into a situation where both people are sure they are right, and there is no easy way to prove what actually happened.

These items are called chattels. That simply means personal belongings that can be moved. Things like furniture, artwork, jewellery, photos and keepsakes. Chattels can be hard to value and arguments about them often turn into long and frustrating negotiations.

It can also be difficult to get your belongings back after you leave the shared home. For that reason, it is usually best not to sell or give away chattels without your spouse’s consent. Doing that can come back to haunt you when it is time to divide property.

If you have time, write down a list of the important items you are taking. You can also take photos or a short video of the home before you leave. This can help later on if there are questions about what was in the house at the time of separation.

Supporting Your Children

For most parents, the first concern during a separation is the children. Divorce is one of the most common major life stressors for adults. For children, it is also considered an Adverse Childhood Experience, or ACE. It is a big loss in their lives. The family they knew changes, and there is often a lot of uncertainty. The grief of the loss of your planned future together is inevitable and can make decision making difficult. Having trauma informed counsel ensures that you are heard during this pivotal moment in your life.

Children who are placed in the middle of conflict between parents can carry the impact for a very long time. Research shows that ongoing high conflict can affect how a child’s brain develops. Later in life, that can show up as relationship problems, addiction, mental health issues, or even physical conditions such as digestive problems or autoimmune disorders.

Some simple ideas can help:

Keep adult conversations for adults
Do not talk badly about the other parent in front of the children
Let your kids love both parents without feeling like they have to choose

Many parents also find it helpful to work with a counsellor or other mental health professional who understands parenting and divorce. They can help you understand what your children might be feeling and what they need at different ages.

Finding Support For Yourself

Separation can feel lonely and overwhelming, even when you are sure it is the right decision. It can help to think about who you trust and who you can lean on.

That might be a close friend, a family member, or a professional such as a counsellor, therapist, or social worker. Having a safe place to talk about what is happening can make it easier to cope and to think clearly about your next steps.

A support network does not replace legal advice, but it can make everything feel less heavy and help you stay grounded while you make important decisions. It is important to remember that every family is unique. Your family cannot and should not be compared to another.

When To Talk To A Lawyer

It is usually a good idea to speak with a lawyer early in the process. Every family is different. What happened in your friend’s separation, or what a relative experienced, may not apply to you at all.

People often give advice based on their own situation. They may mean well, but some of that advice can be confusing or even harmful if it does not line up with Alberta law.

A family lawyer can explain things like:

Parenting arrangements and decision making
Child support
Spousal support
Division of property and debt
Safety planning, if there are concerns
What the separation process might look like for you

You do not need to have everything sorted out before you call a lawyer. An initial meeting can help you understand your options, what to prepare, and what to do first. A paid consult allows a lawyer to spend valuable time together preparing for what your next steps will be.

Moving Forward

Leaving a spouse is not simple. It involves emotions, practical details, and often worry about the future. But taking a few small steps at the beginning can make things smoother.

Take the belongings that matter most. Protect your children from conflict as much as you can. Reach out to people you trust. And get legal advice so you understand your rights and responsibilities.

Every separation is different, but you do not have to go through it on your own. With the right support and information, you can make decisions that protect your wellbeing, your children, and your future.